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Archive for August, 2006

Holding patterns

As any of you might realize, I am in a holding pattern.  I was going to divorce the husband.  I am not sure what I am doing right now, but its not divorcing.  Sort of nothing, sort of trying to put things back together.  I feel like I am doing all the trying and he is doing all the waiting for me to get it done.  As if he’s Mr. Perfect.  Hrmph.

The cab broke last week.  Serious broke as in I haven’t seen it since last Wednesday its at the dump now. This was the big chance for hubster to break out of the biz — do something else, anything else.  And what did he do yesterday?  He bought a Crown Vic.  A white one.  And nothing says I’m gonna be a cab driver for life like a former cop-car, white Crown Vic with a trunk big enough for three or four dead bodies.  “But I had to get a car anyway.”  Yeah, thats why you spent all of today getting it outfitted with your meter, light and all the doodads.

I want to quit my job.  Big time.  I was not meant to do this job.  I don’t care what my boss says, I don’t have this in me.  Its not my field and I don’t enjoy it at all.  I really want to find out more about this stay at home mom stuff.  I want to set my sleep patterns in way that doesn’t involve a 6 a.m. alarm clock going off.  I want to join a play group and visit my other SAHM friends in the DAYTIME. *gasp*  I’d like to have a part time job where the work/guilt didn’t come home with me at night.

I want quite a few things…  I want to feel special to my husband.  I want him to do something spontaneous that I like.  A couple of flowers (not 24 from Costco that took you an hour after work to go get while I was waiting on you), a shiny bauble, backrub without asking, etc.  I’d like some sort of gift for Eid and birthdays.  You sure didn’t have  a hard time remembering your son’s birthday.

Argh.  Always angst me hearties, always angst.  Yar.

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I am not the bad guy

I was out this evening to take hubster his dinner while he was at work. On my way back home, I was stopped at a red light. I saw that a van in waiting on the cross street was dragging a plastic container under his vehicle. I attempted to flag him to let him know he was dragging the container and you know what I got??? The guy in his passenger seat looks right at me sticks his arm out the window and gives me a gun signal pointing at me… he continued is through the intersection looking at me the entire time.

God damn. I am not the enemy. I am a mother and a wife and a woman trying to make a life. I try to do something nice and it blows up on me. I am so tired of standing out and being a “symbol” of Islam. I am simply a believer, and not a very exemplary one at that. I just want to go about my business and not have to be the walking mannekin of the nice muslima. Yes, ma’am, no sir, how are you today? Smile smile smile at idiot people who can’t get beyond themselves. I really need to blend in a bit.

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The Big 3 (0)

Ha… I turned 30 last week. I didn’t magically shrink or wrinkle up either. Thank God.

Cute son turns 3 next week. Subhanallah. I had no idea the time would go this quick. I feel like I was just pregnant with him. Having a kid completely rearranged my life. At three, cute son’s milestones are:

  • Potty Trained! Woohoo! Not loving the accidents though. He does have the good grace to be upset when it happens.
  • Motormouth. ‘Nuff said.
  • Draws circles very fast.
  • Loves all vehicles, for real and play
  • Can express himself verbally very well. Just added ‘actually’ to his vocabulary. (I want water. Actually, I want juice.) Its amazing how he just absorbs so much. He understands a lot of Arabic from his father even if he doesn’t produce yet.
  • Has some bedtime issues. Won’t sleep in own bed. Everynight, no matter what bed, we get in arguments, mostly because he is tired and short circuiting. Nothing goes right during the short circuit.
  • Can dress himself on the bottom half: shoes, underwear and pants. Shirts are still a bit harder.
  • Can undress himself in about 4.5 seconds flat.
  • Throws incredible tantrums that I let him work out. I am that person in the store that will not give in to a tantrum… and if you are behind me at jerko WalFart, deal with it because I am not giving up my place in line due to the tantrum of an almost three year old.
  • Can ride his big boy tricycle. *sniffle* His wittle feet never used to touch the ground.
  • Holds conversations on the phone with me and family members.
  • Can actually stop time while screaming — so that 5 minutes feels like 45.
  • Knows he is pushing my buttons – he is a dream child with other people.
  • Please and thank you and would you like.
  • Chews gum. (no flames please…its better than candy by a LONG shot)
  • Walk and chews gum. hahah.
  • Can throw overhanded well.
  • Kicks much better than a few months ago.
  • Play hokey pokey really well.
  • Sings constantly.
  • Is the last monkey jumping on the bed.
  • Cause and effect. “If I roll off the bed, I am gonna get an accident.” (TRUE QUOTE!! From TONIGHT!)

Cute son can be so much fun. I am so proud of him when I see him with other kids around here and see how polite and loving he is. He has his share of not sharing, but he doesn’t hit and scream MINE… and most of his bad behavior is only at home. Its something to work on.

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boiling on the inside

Yeah, so blogging isn’t on my highest priority.  Beyatching about my job is.  I hate it.  I hate the deadline looming up.  I hate the people who I have to work with, the non-paid people I have to kiss ass to because they pay us, are worthless louts and bug me to death.  My blood pressure is through the roof today — I only know this because I am having muscle ticks and twitches and a bit ago when i got really irritated, my eyes actually jumped and my vision got weird.  I hate not being able to do anything right in regards to my work or being able to finish anything.  I have ten things to do at any given time and I cant manage them all, sad to say.  As soon as a I get to work on one, bossman turns up and tells me what else I need to be doing right now.  (or better, should have been done yesterday). 

I have my resignation all typed up.  Its just a matter of making sure the hubster is on board.  Funny, how he was all ‘quit your job I can support you’ when I wasn’t serious and now he is all going on about how he doesn’t like his job either… (and there fore can’t quit is the silent but all too obvious undertone).

We are working on stuff at home. Don’t know how it will turn out.  It may be all a bust or it could be wildly successful.  Who knows.  I don’t.  It changes hour by hour depending on someones particular idiocy or idiosyncrasy du jour. 

Something’s not right with me and I think its the job.  Word to the wise: don’t take jobs with a sinking ship.  To those of you who know where I work, don’t take it as a total condemnation.  Maybe its just this particular combination of personalities and talents (or lack thereof on my own part). 

Must go now and tremble before the to do list.

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