Just as fasting is going really well for me this year, being a mother is not. If I didn’t actually love this child, I would be gone on this game. I feel like we (husband and I) are in a losing battle as parents. Yes, we made it through the first year… but that was more a struggle with ourselves and not with our son. Learning how to live on broken sleep, an abbreviated social life, and putting someone else’s needs before your own. Now it seems like we are struggling more with our son as he defines himself and his personality.
Presently, he sleeps with us the majority of the night. It was cute in the beginning but is not any longer because he wakes earlier and earlier in the night to come sleep with us. I can deal with the partial night sleeping because I’ve had half a nights sleep already and am sleepy enough to fall back asleep even if I am sort of cramped and contorted… When he comes in at 10 or 11 p.m. before I’ve even gotten to sleep I can’t fall asleep. Its any number of complaints on it, but the bottom line is that I can’t sleep and sleeping is a very important part of my good mental health plan. When I don’t sleep, everything else starts going to pot.
In addition to sleeping with us, he now hates the crib. He never had a problem with it for his entire first year. I really think it has something to do with the feeling of being lowered in over the side… the mattress is in the lowest setting, the bars are up at the highest. I can understand that being obnoxious. I am thinking about moving the crib into our bedroom to see if we can come to some sort of compromise sleeping situation.
To top of the whole night time sleeping debacle (as I see it) is the fact that the little won’t wind down in the evenings no matter what I do. We take a warm bath, we put on pajamas, turn down the lights, turn off the television, turn off the house (basically) and he’s still going strong. At 9 or 10 p.m.! ARGH! He barely sleeps nine hours at night and gets a two hour nap in the daytime… Is this on target or what? I don’t know. Lately, I have to physically go to bed with our son to make him sleep… where else? Our bed. And I usually end up falling asleep myself because it takes him half an hour to find a comfy spot and stop twitching. I guess I didn’t mention this earlier, but I can sleep with him in the bed if its only him and me… just not when its all three of us.
We are finally feeding DS table food 99% of the time. You would think this was great, but its a new difficulty for me as I don’t cook much. I think he’s really sick of the rotating pasta-mashed potatos-fishsticks menu. I don’t each many veggies myself in the foods I make — just as a side usually, nuked in a little water and that’s it. DS doesn’t like them and won’t eat them. He used to eat TONS of veggies when they came from little jars. I don’t know if I am feeding him enough… He only takes the bed time and night time bottles any more… nothing in the daytime from me on the weekends and only a few ounces from the babysitter on the weekdays.
He’s into everything and anything. We’ve had to cover all the buttons on the television and CPU. We unplug the computer monitor so he can’t turn that on and off. We hide the remote controls and the cordless phones. He climbs everything. He hits toys on glass windows and I am afraid he will break them – the windows that is, not the toys.
Alhamdulillah, our home is mostly safe from many hazards, but we can’t take him anywhere. He’s a monster and I feel like a horrible parent (you may already think I am through this rant). I am embarassed to take him to other people’s homes because of his behavior – he heads straight to anything he isn’t supposed to do! He doesn’t understand no. He doesn’t understand that he pushes all of mommy’s buttons and she gets so angry that she’s meaner than she meant to be. I get so angry… and there’s nothing left to do but let him scream and me go away-outside, the bathroom, the hallway. Dad works odd hours, usually seven days a week, even odder on the weekends, so there is rarely anyone to turn the little boy over to when I need a break. We don’t have any family close by.
Thanks for reading/listening. I needed to vent but hadn’t until now. Nothing is changed. I’ve just gotta go on another day.
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