Archive for January, 2005


Back outta Dodge

Going back to my mudda’s this weekend for a bit of family get together, the gloomy illness type. My aunts will be there as well. Should be good for the family reunion part.

Mom finally had the appointment with the transplant heart doctors yesterday. Not so good. She is not a good candidate for a transplant (we sort of figured that, but one hopes). They are going to an angiogram on Monday and put some sort thing in her neck on Tuesday to put some drugs into her heart to see if they can do anything. Otherwise, its just a downhill road from here.

I am really scared about not having my mother around. When things go right, you mother has your back, all the time. She listens to you, is usually honest when you make an ass of yourself, and just loves you. We have a small family and I am not close like this with the rest of it. In some ways, my mother is my link to the rest of my family because I am dolt who forgets birthdays and phone numbers and the like.

In the last few years, when things have been going bad for me, she’s been there for me – either to listen or to help, whichever was best suited for the situation. I know she’s not thrilled with all the decisions I make or the cowardly way I avoid some of them.

Up until now, there has always been something that could be done, a way to fix things, even just sort of for her health problems. They’ve been bad, but either live-with-able or fixable. Now, her back is against the wall. Its getting rough.

Please make prayers for her. Thank you!


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Interesting Eid

As much as I was dismayed at the disunity of Eid al-Adha this year, I was quite surprised by the civility it seemed to bring to the prayers at ISNA. Considering that half of the local Muslim community in the greater Central Indiana area celebrated Eid salat on Thursday, the hall was not its usual swamped self. I could hear the entire salat through the PA system (we were in the basement – there were women, however in the 1st floor and balcony) and most of the khutba. The women praying were more attentive than usual. The khutba was way longer than necessary and covered too many topics (so there was one downer). Not having as many people in attendance actually made the entire day seem better.

Now for the humorous side of the story. The several women I was with in the lines and after were all praying on Friday because it was the day we all had worked to have off from our jobs, something that had to be done in advance for most of us and was difficult to change. All of our husbands had prayed Eid the day before (the lone, sole benefit of being an itinerant cab driver is a self made schedule).

I am always amazed by the fact that we, as Muslims, cannot seem to hold a civil holiday prayer service. This one was fluke. Christians are accosted on their holidays by the Chreasters (Christmas – Easter Christians) and their halls are filled to the max, sometimes multiple times, and still people are able to file in, sit, listen to a sermon or homily, receive a sacrament (which usually involves people getting up and moving around), sing, and leave without looking like hooligans.

I know it’s the same ‘ol gripe every Eid for me, but this is one of two things that just sticks in my craw and annoys the living daylights out of me.

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Happy 100,000 miles Car!

My car hit the big 100 yesterday. I almost missed it. I wanted to see all the little numbers rolling over at once. Oh well. But I did see on the mark. At least the little guy is still running (after I pumped over $500 into it last month).

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Happy sort-of Eid!

My husband, at short notice, celebrated Eid salat this morning while I worked and I will be going to Eid salat tomorrow morning at ISNA. Strange world. Anywho, have a good one. (Eid that is.)

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This is all UmmAmr’s fault. Really. I held off for an entire week on this.

ESTP – “Promotor”. Action! When present, things begin to happen. Fiercely competitive. Entrepreneur. Often uses shock effect to get attention. Negotiator par excellence. 4.3% of total population.

Main type
Enneagram Test Results

Type 1 Perfectionism 50%
Type 2 Helpfulness 56%
Type 3 Image Awareness 60%
Type 4 Sensitivity 46%
Type 5 Detachment 36%
Type 6 Anxiety 56%
Type 7 Adventurousness 50%
Type 8 Aggressiveness 50%
Type 9 Calmness 36%

Your main type is 3
Your variant is social

The Doer (ESTP)
As an ESTP, your primary mode of living is focused externally, where you take things in via your five senses in a literal, concrete fashion. Your secondary mode is internal, where you deal with things rationally and logically.
ESTPs are outgoing, straight-shooting types. Enthusiastic and excitable, ESTPs are “doers” who live in the world of action. Blunt, straight-forward risk-takers, they are willing to plunge right into things and get their hands dirty. They live in the here-and-now, and place little importance on introspection or theory. The look at the facts of a situation, quickly decide what should be done, execute the action, and move on to the next thing.
ESTPs have an uncanny ability to perceive people’s attitudes and motivations. They pick up on little cues which go completely unnoticed by most other types, such as facial expressions and stance. They’re typically a couple of steps ahead of the person they’re interacting with. ESTPs use this ability to get what they want out of a situation. Rules and laws are seen as guidelines for behavior, rather than mandates. If the ESTP has decided that something needs to be done, then their “do it and get on with it” attitude takes precendence over the rules. However, the ESTP tends to have their own strong belief in what’s right and what’s wrong, and will doggedly stick to their principles. The Rules of the Establishment may hold little value to the ESTP, but their own integrity mandates that they will not under any circumstances do something which they feel to be wrong.
ESTPs have a strong flair for drama and style. They’re fast-moving, fast-talking people who have an appreciation for the finer things in life. They may be gamblers or spendthrifts. They’re usually very good at story telling and improvising. They typically makes things up as they go along, rather than following a plan. They love to have fun, and are fun people to be around. They can sometimes be hurtful to others without being aware of it, as they generally do not know and may not care about the effect their words have on others. It’s not that they don’t care about people, it’s that their decision-making process does not involve taking people’s feelings into account. They make decisions based on facts and logic.
ESTP’s least developed area is their intuitive side. They are impatient with theory, and see little use for it in their quest to “get things done”. An ESTP will occasionally have strong intuitions which are often way off-base, but sometimes very lucid and positive. The ESTP does not trust their instincts, and is suspicious of other people’s intuition as well.
The ESTP often has trouble in school, especially higher education which moves into realms where theory is more important. The ESTP gets bored with classes in which they feel they gain no useful material which can be used to get things done. The ESTP may be brilliantly intelligent, but school will be a difficult chore for them.
The ESTP needs to keep moving, and so does well in careers where he or she is not restricted or confined. ESTPs make extremely good salespersons. They will become stifled and unhappy dealing with routine chores. ESTPs have a natural abundance of energy and enthusiasm, which makes them natural entrepreneurs. They get very excited about things, and have the ability to motivate others to excitement and action. The can sell anyone on any idea. They are action-oriented, and make decisions quickly. All-in-all, they have extraordinary talents for getting things started. They are not usually so good at following through, and might leave those tasks to others. Mastering the art of following through is something which ESTPs should pay special attention to.
ESTPs are practical, observant, fun-loving, spontaneous risk-takers with an excellent ability to quickly improvise an innovative solution to a problem. They’re enthusiastic and fun to be with, and are great motivators. If an ESTP recognizes their real talents and operates within those realms, they can accomplish truly exciting things.

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I will be out of pocket for the weekend with my family. Nothing new to note since Wednesday, good or bad. I suppose stasis can be considered positive.

There are a lot of people ‘out there’ who are questioning the power behind great things like tsunamis. My husband was relating to me a discussion from NPR a couple of days ago between members of different faith groups and the ‘why’ behind the immense destruction of the recent tsunami. What sticks out is the fact that the Jewish rabbi said something to the effect that ‘my God couldn’t kill all these people, wouldn’t kill all these people.’ If you have any rational belief in the existence of an all powerful God, then this is a silly statement. God/Allah can do anything that Allah darn well pleases, our own reasoning be damned. Allah does not act on our plane of existence with reasons that would be our reasons. That would be attributing limits to one who is, to our knowledge, limitless. For all we know, Allah is testing ONE PERSON with this whole episode, someone whose eternal balance hangs on the divide. For all we know, every person killed in the tsunami has been granted Jennah (Paradise). Allah tested Ayyoub (Job), peace be upon him, a man who had everything – a beautiful wife, children, his health, and a good living, by taking it all away. His wife and children were killed, his fortune taken away all to see the true measure of Ayyoub, peace be upon him, and whether he worshipped Allah because Allah is worthy of being worshipped or because of the blessings bestowed upon him.

The point of all this is just that we don’t know the intentions of The Divine. Our speculations are merely that: speculations. I believe the will of Allah is called qadr in Arabic. I have been thinking a lot about the qadr of Allah with the trials that are afflicting my mother. I wonder if Allah is testing her, or me, or someone else entirely. I wonder if Allah is cleansing her of sins through this. She is not Muslim, but I believe she has belief in the Oneness of Allah and that she accepts all the Prophets (peace be upon them all) as legit, even our beloved Rasul Muhammad, salallahu alayhe wa salaam.

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Our newest home battle involves the television. It has buttons all within reach of my little ankle-biter. At one point, to avert this battle, they were covered and taped up and rather unusable. We took that off about a month ago because I had lifted it up too many times and it wasn’t sticking quite as well as it used to, prompting Hamza to lift it off himself. He left them alone for a while, but now it has become a game of how much we can make mommy run him before turning it on, turning it off, et cetera ad infinitum (He rarely gets tired of this game before me).

I am starting to use time-out, but I don’t think he quite gets it yet (17 months old). I usually hold him on the lap, for a minute, but restrain him to get across the idea of punishment (I guess… or at least my displeasure with his actions). He cries, gets upset, follows me around afterward… but it really doesn’t seem to be affecting the actual behavior beyond distraction.

This weekend we are going to visit my parents. We got bad news this week regarding my mother’s health. For anyone in the dark, Mom has had numerous serious health issues for the last ten or fifteen years… but they had been dealt with – until now. Everything has finally taken its toll. Her doctors confirmed yesterday that she is in heart failure and nothing beyond a new heart will fix this. She’s been moving steadily downhill since around Thanksgiving (a bit before that as well) when she contracted bronchitis and subsequent pneumonia. Lately, she’s not been able to sleep at night, having horrible circulation… all due to her heart not being able to pump blood back out of her extremities.

The doctors are sending her to yet another set of doctors to be evaluated for the possibility of a heart transplant. The kicker thing is: she already has a transplant kidney. I can’t even seem to find information regarding transplants for someone with a transplant. But, as the doctors said, you can live without the kidney – without the heart is not an option.

I am taking this harder every time something happens. I am having this strange sort of out of body experience trying to imagine this as a stand alone event: its rather horrific all by itself. I am not phased quite as much as others though… drama is not new for us and I’ve been desensitized. Let’s see: we’ve seen heart attacks, bypass surgery, kidney failure, dialysis, kidney transplant, rejection, unrejection, pacemaker, defib… The list goes on and on farther than that. I am sort of at a loss for what to do now. I am not a positive thinker unfortunately and gloom and doom come first to my mind. I’m not ready for this… I can only imagine that my mother isn’t either.

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